Best Way to Deal with Rejection

•           You re not invited.
•           You can’t come with us.
•           I am breaking up with you.
•           You ‘re not right for our group. Buh-bye.
•           Ouch. Rejection.

Kathy Buckley is a comedian and an actress. If you think about it, there aren’t too many jobs that face more potential rejec­tion than comedians and actors. A comedian isn’t funny one night? She’s heckled and boo’d off the stage. An actor auditions for a part. She’s told she isn’t good enough, not right for the part, doesn’t look good enough, and is shown the way out the door.

Well, Kathy has been nominated four times for the American Comedy Award as Best Stand-up Female Comedienne; and she has a one-woman show and her own special on PBS. Doesn’t sound like much rejection? Well. ..

Kathy has faced more rejection than most of us. And she doesn’t let it bother her. In fact, she has even learned to embrace it:

When I was a kid, I was six feet tall, nearly deaf, with a speech impediment. I wanted to fit in, more than anything. I even stole candy and money from my parents to give to my classmates to buy their friendship.

It didn’t work. They still rejected me.

I realize now what a stupid mistake I made trying to fit in.

Because whenever you have to try to fit in, it’s a sign you’re trying to be with the wrong people. When I was younger, I was constantly being rejected by people I wanted to hang out with. It was really painful. Now I realize that every rejection meant that I was on the wrong path. Being rejected is a message saying: “You’re on the wrong path. That was not where you are supposed to be. That is not who you are supposed to be around.”

When I was trying to pitch my television special, I faced a lot of rejection. I had to fight the ignorance of people who said, “A deaf comedian? She can’t be funny.” And watch as the doors slammed in my face. But I realized that those people were a waste of my time anyway. If they rejected me for those reasons, they just didn’t get it. They weren’t right for me to work with in the first place. And then, when I found the people who said, “Yes! We want you!” I knew that was the place I should be. Don’t spend your life trying to meet the expectations of other people. Don’t obsess over trying to be accepted by others.

If there’s a part of you that still wants to be admired by others, here’s the secret to that: Find out what makes you happy and do it. When you’re happy, that’s when everyone wants to be like you.

And when you are rejected because of the way you are, don’t take it personally.

The truth wasn’t that I was worthy of rejection. The truth was they weren’t worthwhile—for me.