Best Way to Encourage Children’s Social Development

When you hear your new baby howling day and night because he’s hungry, or because he needs his diaper changed, or simply because he’s in a bad mood, it’s hard to imagine that within a couple of years this same indi­vidual will be able to mix with other children of his own age, will probably be able to share his toys without complaint, and may even be popular. He will. Getting along with others is important. A sociable child has many advantages compared with one who does not mix well—he has greater self-confidence and enjoys a more stimulating way of life. Some children, of course, deliberately choose to be solitary, and they appear to be very contented; but in most instances an isolated child is an unhappy child.

Despite having inherent tendencies toward social contact, your child still must learn social skills, such as the ability to communicate his feelings accurately. A child who learns to say, “It’s my turn next” will be more socially acceptable than a child who simply grabs a toy or pushes in line without any explana­tion. Even a two-year-old can be encouraged to use simple socially acceptable behavior. Another important social skill is knowing what to say in the first few moments when meeting someone for the first time. Teach your child what to say and do in these situations (for example, your child could offer the other child a toy with which to play).

Encourage your child to think about the way he behaves toward other children and about the gestures he uses. Some ges­tures are aggressive (shouting, scowling, clenching fists, swear­ing), while others are pacifying (smiling, showing approval, holding out a hand). Children who mix well are usually those who use more pacifying gestures than aggressive ones.

The three most-important social skills that will help your child get along with others of his own age are the abilities to share, to take turns, and to follow rules. A child who does not have these skills will have social difficulties. Explain to your child why these skills are important (because others will like him), and give him plenty of opportunities to practice them at home (for example, sharing candy with his friend, waiting his turn to have a glass of lemonade, playing games with rules).

Cleanliness is also necessary. Life is unfair, and although it is not your child’s fault if he has dirty clothes or is unwashed (this is your responsibility), his unkemptness will give your child an uphill struggle when making friends. Encourage your child to take an interest in his appearance, in his clothes, and in his personal cleanliness. Good eating habits also help.