Best Way to Raise an Only Child

An ever-increasing number of families has only one child. The main difference between only children and first-borns is that only children rarely have to compete with anyone else for their parents’ attention. Unlike an oldest child who is forced out of her central position in the family, an only child enjoys the limelight throughout her childhood. The child never has to wait her turn and she doesn’t often have to share her toys.

Being an only child has obvious advantages—the child has a strong feeling of security, a sense of ease in the company of adults, and a higher level of material comfort than do children in larger families. It can also have disadvantages, such as a ten­dency to be selfish, difficulty when it comes to sharing, and lack of confidence when mixing with other children, especially when the child first starts to attend nursery school. Life can be lonely for an only child, if she doesn’t have an opportunity to mix with others. Only children tend to be more self-interested than other children of their own age, and they frequently seek the approval of authority figures. This extends into adult­hood—many only-child employees rely heavily on the approval of their managers. Only children usually relate better to older people. Being raised in the company of adults makes them feel comfortable with more mature individuals. Only children also make good leaders, which can be a tremendous asset in situa­tions where initiative is needed.

An only child will not automatically turn out to be selfish and overindulged, but if yours develops these characteristics concentrate on the following strategies:

• Encourage your child to share her toys with friends and class­mates. Since an only child has little opportunity to share at home, at first she will probably have difficulty doing this when she is with others. Your encouragement will be helpful.
• Try to involve your child in outside activities. Where possible, make sure your child joins in activities that involve sharing and turn-taking with other children.
• Let your child play with other children of her own age. The best way to do this is to send your child to playgroup or nursery school and to invite other children to the house to play with her. When your child has visitors, encourage the chil­dren to play independently of the adults.
• Give your child responsibility. Some children expect every­thing to be done for them. As parents, you have to encour­age your child to take more responsibility for the everyday events in her life, such as washing, dressing, feeding herself, and tidying up.

• Don’t always make your child the center of attention. Learning to share adults’ time with others is not easy. It is your responsibility to help your child solve any problems she may have in this respect—for example, by playing games in which she and her friends take turns, or by having small group activities where every child is given a chance to par­ticipate equally.
• Share your attention with other adults. Your child must learn to share the attention. Adults want their time in uninter­rupted adult conversation, too.