Sneezing is a back-and-forth game of focus and imitation. Working without distractions so that your dog’s attention is yours, simply try small sneezes to get your dog to imitate you. Sneeze and wait. Sneeze and wait. At first, praise any sound your dog makes in response. Once he sneezes back, only praise him for a sneeze. Work a few sneezes at a time. Then once your dog gets it and will respond to a sneeze with a sneeze, you can have a sneeze conversation any time you feel like it—out on a walk, when your dog follows you into the bathroom, during those boring commercial breaks on TV (hit the mute button so that your dog really hears the sneeze). This isn’t a life-saving command. It doesn’t count as exercise. In fact, it has no socially redeeming qualities at all. Perhaps that’s why I like it. It’s just pure fun.
There’s a much flashier and more difficult trick cued by a sneeze. This one has purpose, too. In this trick, when you sneeze, your dog fetches you a tissue!
Even if your dog is not a natural retriever, he might like to snap a pop-up tissue out of a Kleenex box.
To try this trick, sneeze and, using your dog’s play-retrieve command (ours is “Take it”), hold the box of tissues near your dog and wiggle a loosened tissue.
Here’s a time-saving secret. Getting your dog to take the tissue is really easy. It feels naughty, so it’s fun. It’s lively. It makes noise.
It’s something to wad up and chew. Hell, if you were a dog, you’d grab that tissue.
The hard part of the trick is getting the dog to give up the tissue, to bring it to you and let it go in your hand. But showing off with this hilarious trick when it was half taught, the easy half of course, I discovered that no one cares if you actually get the tissue. The sight of the dog getting the tissue from the box, cued by a sneeze, is so funny that while the dog prances around the room turning the tissue into confetti, everyone is too busy laughing to wonder about what comes next.
Of course, if you are a purist, you can work patiently, calling your dog to you and telling him “Out” until he learns to deliver a nearly intact tissue to your hand. But I think most people prefer the short, easy, naughty version of this trick. Dexter surely does!
I should warn you, too, that if you do the trick by mechanically anchoring the tissue box with two-sided tape instead of holding it, while you are laughing you will probably hear pop pop pop as your dog, jolly as a Jack Russell, empties the entire box, one tissue at a time.
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