Best Way to Cope with Generation Gap as an Older Parent



Many people postpone having children until they have their careers or education in place. Some career women decide to become a single mother when their “biologi­cal clock” starts to tick loudly. Many people marry and decide to start a family later rather than sooner.

Society puts less pressure on couples to have children in the years immediately following marriage. Many couples are now in their second marriage. It is no longer rare to be a first-time par­ent at age forty or over.

Older Parent Best Way to Cope with Generation Gap as an Older Parent

Older parents should take into account certain health consid­erations when planning to have a first child. Medical research reveals that women who conceive after the age of thirty-five are more likely to have a child with a developmental problem. For instance, a pregnancy between the ages of twenty and thirty-five runs a six hundred to one risk of having a baby with Down’s syn­drome, whereas the risk increases to about one hundred to one for mothers between the ages of forty and forty-five. Advanced med­ical techniques allow for the early detection of such conditions.

First-time pregnancy over the age of thirty-five carries a high­er risk of stillbirth, and the possibility of having a longer and more-difficult labor is greater. The incidence of these problems is reduced when the mother is in good physical health.

The next hurdle that older first-time parents have to face is the massive disruption that accompanies the arrival of a baby. Few events are more likely to involve change than the birth of a baby. All new first-time parents discover they can no longer go out when they want, eat when they want, sleep when they want, go on vacation when they want, or spend what they want. A couple who has postponed pregnancy may be more accustomed to their freedom, and consequently may miss it more.

Giving up the role of career woman for that of mother is sometimes more difficult for an older mother than it is for someone fifteen or twenty years younger, because an older woman will probably be on a higher rung of the corporate lad­der. Despite advances in employment legislation, few women are able to return to their premotherhood employment status, unless they are back at work within a certain period of time after the birth. An older first-time mother who plans to stay at home for a while could pay a high price in terms of her future employ­ment prospects.

This change of role may mean that an older first-time moth­er finds the contrast between her former lifestyle and her cur­rent one much greater than she had expected. The danger is that anxieties over loss of status may turn into resentment toward her new baby, or into a megadose of postnatal depression.

Age can also have advantages when it comes to parenthood. One benefit of maturity and life experience is increased self-confidence. Older first-time parents are more likely to be at ease with themselves, more able to handle the pressures of life that often overwhelm younger parents. Older parents have already enjoyed many years of living only for themselves, and don’t have such a strong need to prove themselves personally or financially. A couple’s pleasure in caring for a child can easily offset any of the disadvantages of being older parents.

Older Parent 1 Best Way to Cope with Generation Gap as an Older Parent

Young babies have a tremendous capacity to tax their par­ents’ stamina. Parenthood, with the physical demands of sleep­less nights and hectic days of washing, changing, and caring for the baby, can be exhausting. No wonder some people argue that parenting—like inline skating and all-night parties—is a younger person’s pursuit.

The so-called “generation gap” (the difference in outlook between successive generations of parents and children) can occur with parents of any age—some couples behave as though they are old when they are in their twenties. And some older couples often have a very young outlook. However, while it depends on the individuals concerned, a generation gap is more likely to occur as the age gap between parent and child widens.

There is another type of generation gap. Most people social­ize with others who have similar interests. Likewise, most tend to have friends with children around the same age as their own. This gives them the opportunity to share ideas and to discuss common problems with each other. Older parents may not have this type of peer-group support; instead, all their friends may have grown-up children, and they may find that these friends have forgotten the everyday worries of first-time par­ents. This lack of common ground with others can sometimes increase an older couple’s sense of isolation.



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