Best Way to Be Your Own Best Friend

BFF When you read that, Best Friend Forever, who are you think­ing of?

Well, wait just one second. Atoosa wants you to think of yourself. Presenting: Atoosa Rubenstein, editor-in-chief of CosmoGIRL! In her own words:

It’s funny. Sometimes we girls find ourselves thinking things like: How can I be a better friend? A better girl­friend? A better daughter? How can I make people love me? Accept me? As an editor of a teen magazine, these are the questions my readers ask me every day. But it all comes down to one thing: For all those other relationships to fall into place, one particular relationship has to be super-tight: your relationship with yourself.

If it sort of sounds like blah-blah, believe me, I under­stand. But it’s for real.

The better you treat yourself, the better everyone will treat you. Know that every single person you meet looks to you to set the boundary as to how they’re going to treat you. If you find that you’re always being dogged by guys, you need to look at yourself and how much you’re expect­ing from these guys. Chances are you expect very little.

How good your relationship with yourself is directly af­fects the value you place on yourself, and that’s what every single person you meet will go by. Treat yourself like the most precious possession in your life, and you’ll find that others will treat you the same. How genius-you set the rules! Yes, that’s how it’s been all along. You just hadn’t been setting rules and instead were letting others set them for you.

When you pass by a mirror, listen for your inner voice. Mine always says something like, “Hey, gorgeous!” How about yours? If it says something positive, something loving, then you are being a good friend to yourself. If it says something mean or degrading like, “Ugh, what a big butt!” or “My hair is frizzy again!” that’s okay, too. It’s just that we’ve got work to do together. Don’t beat yourself up about beating yourself up. The glass is half full, CosmoGIRL! The glass is half full. Just know that you’ve got a goal and need to map out a way to get there. And remember, my friend, that your game plan is not about getting liposuction or ex­tensions so you look like a shampoo ad (hello? retouch­ing!?). The goal is to train yourself to see your own tush as luscious and curvy and your own hair as exotic and wild. Come on—can you even think of a more special and deli­cious person than you? No way!

Another quick test: Since we’re all friends here, we can admit that we’ve all been in a situation where we’ve liked a guy and, well, let’s just say it was unrequited. Ask yourself, why didn’t that guy like me? If your answer is anything other than “Because that guy clearly had no taster then we need to talk. Okay, so maybe I’m exaggerating a little, but you know what I mean.

Think about it. If some guy didn’t like your very best friend back, what would you tell her? That maybe it was be­cause her skin is too broken out? No way, because you know what a jewel she is, and anyone who doesn’t see that as well just doesn’t deserve to know her. And who really is your very own best friend? You, of course! So there! Believe it, girl, because you are that special. It’s true. There’s no one more special than you. Always remember that.

I know you believe me, sister. You’re just wondering howl How can I have a love affair with myself?? Cosmo­GIRL! to the rescue!”

Date yourself. Do for yourself the nice things you’d do for a guy you really wanted to make fall in love with you. Buy yourself thoughtful gifts (like a beautiful book of poetry or an adorable pedicure set); bake yourself your favorite goodie; take yourself places you’ve always wanted to go. (Who cares if no one but you wants to go to theMuseumofNatural History? Go solo! Can you imagine better company?)

Indulge yourself. Take at least one night every week and do something that’s totally all about you. (I know, I know—you’re busy! But if your friend or a guy asked you to hang out one night this week, you’d figure out a way, right? Do the same for your precious self!) Play your most favorite music (current or an old favorite), or do like me and play really relaxing New Age music and take a really sudsy, yummy bubble bath and have a spa night. Light an aromatherapy candle and do your nails, deep condition your hair, deep breathe, and just be.

Compliment yourself. How much do we love it when someone tells us that our out fit looks great or that we have beautiful eyes right? We, why wait until someone else makes your day? Plant yourself love letters in your room, your locker, anywhere you can. And create a big sign to hang on your bathroom or bed­room mirror that says, “Gosh, you are BEAUTIFUL!”

Inspire yourself. I can’t think of anyone who doesn’t have a tough day every so often. But when you’re having one of those mo­ments, it can feel as though you’re the only one in the whole world who’s ever been that low. But you’re not. Read empowering stories about amazing women, women of strength. And remember that each one of those amazing women, from Rosa Parks to Madonna to Sally Ride, all started in the very same place you did. Remind your­self of the amazing things you can do! It’s like watering the plant of your life. (It’s thirsty!)