Best Way to Handle Being a Working Mother

The number of mothers who return to full-time employment continues to increase. In many instances, a mother goes back to work because she needs the money; in some instances, she does so because she doesn’t want to risk losing a promising career; in some instances, she is the sole support of the family. Whatever the reason, no evidence shows that a mother’s returning to work—even during the child’s preschool years—inevitably has an adverse effect on a child’s psychological development.

This lifestyle is not without its problems. From a woman’s perspective, being a working mother may mean managing dou­ble the normal amount of tasks, with increased stress and demands. Very few working mothers would say that their part­ner actually agrees to split the domestic chores evenly down the middle. Generally the prime responsibility for running the house continues to rest with the woman. The woman’s job is fre­quently given a lower priority. Some couples exercise a much more even balance, but this is difficult to achieve, and requires consistent determination from both partners. The net effect of the usual imbalance in task allocation is that a working mother’s role has expanded, rather than changed. Now she does more. In addition, she may have postponed pregnancy until her thirties or forties, or she may be dealing with aging parents or in-laws, as well. In such situations, the physical and emotional strain of being a working mother is high, and a woman can be at risk for depression, illness, or addiction to tobacco, alcohol, or drugs.

Critics of working mothers express concern that a child will lose out psychologically by not having her mother with her dur­ing the preschool years. While it is true that the preschool years see the formation of the child’s fundamental characteristics, the fact is, nothing suggests that the quantity of time a woman spends with her baby is critical. Research findings indicate that what matters is the quality of the mother’s time with her baby. An uninterrupted hour with a loving, relaxed mother is worth more to a baby’s psychological development than is a day spent with a rejecting, tense mother who simply parks her infant in front of the television.

If going out to work or back to school improves a woman’s self-confidence, and consequently helps her relate more posi­tively to her child, then the child will benefit psychologically.

New mothers face two challenges:

• Some women who want to give up their job to be a full-time mother are aware of social pressures against such a move. They feel embarrassed to admit to others that they do not want to go back to work after the birth of their baby.

• Some women who opt to combine parenthood with full-time employment are not completely comfortable with their choice. They will have chosen this course of action only after weighing the pros and cons, but that doesn’t mean they are entirely happy about leaving their baby in the care of some­one else during the work week. Women in these circum­stances often experience guilt feelings, which may persist.