Best Way to Help Siblings Deal with Jealousy

Don’t expect your older child to love the baby instantly. Make it clear that hurting the baby is not allowed—but that adoration is not required. Have your baby “bring” your older child a gift from the hospital (perhaps a shirt that says “Big Sister” or “Big Brother”). Keep a few gifts on hand for your older child when visitors bring gifts only for the baby, or when your child has helped with the baby.

• Schedule one-on-one time with your older child each day.
• Express your occasional annoyance with your baby’s demands, but not so often that your child gets the idea that the baby is a permanent nuisance. Express your joy, too.

• Put a stool next to the changing table so your older child can watch you change diapers and dress the baby.
• Put a photo of the big brother or sister near your baby’s crib, so your older child can see how important he or she is to your baby.
• Create a special basket of toys that comes out only when you’re feeding your baby. Or watch a videotape with your child while feeding your baby.
• Let your older child help as much as possible with “our” baby by getting things for you and by singing, talking, and other­wise entertaining the baby.
• Set the crib mattress at the lowest point so your older child won’t be tempted to try to pick the baby up.
• Stall visitors who come to see the baby, so your older child can be the center of attention for a while. Show photos of your child as well as the baby. Let your older child help you show off the baby.

• Expect some regression from your older child; try not to pay much attention to it. Your older child may suddenly want foods served in a baby food jar, for example.
• Praise your child for any positive behavior such as waiting patiently, sharing toys, or helping with the baby. Or give the child new privileges such as a later bedtime, increased allowance, special things to do with a parent, and so on.
• Teach your older child that smiling often at the baby will “teach” the baby to smile.