Best Way to Make Praise to Your Children

Life as a parent is so hectic that parents have a tenden­cy to ignore things that go right (such as when your child behaves well) and to give attention to things that go wrong (such as when your child misbehaves). But this only encourages your child to misbehave in order to get your attention. To avoid this, make Praise an important part of your relationship with your child. Praise for a specific positive action gives a very clear message to your child that you value what he has done, that you value him, and that you love him. (Of course, love and praise should­n’t be entirely conditional on your child’s good behavior because he has a need—and a right—to be loved by you no mat­ter what he does. Therefore, your child deserves general praise just for being himself, just for being the unique and special child that he is.) Aside from raising your child’s self-esteem praise is a very effective way to encourage appropriate behavior and should be a constant component of your family discipline.

General praise is great, as far as your child is concerned, but he may not know exactly what it was he did that made you happy. When giving out specific praise, make it clear to your child what pleased you. For instance, your approval when your child tidied up his toys can be for a number of reasons: for exam­ple, he did what you asked, he saved his toys from breaking, he helped you. You may have to spell these reasons out to him so that he knows what to do the next time.

Like all forms of reward and reinforcement, praise is effective when it occurs immediately after the behavior. If the time gap is too long, your child may have forgotten what he did that earned the praise—this is especially true with a young child. Praise your child immediately following the positive behavior; this enables him to understand the connection between the two events.

Your praise should be construed as desirable by your child, not only by you. A four-year-old child may not thank you, for instance, for a big hug and kiss in front of his friends—in fact, that particular gesture of praise may ensure that he never repeats the behavior again! Much depends on your individual child, his likes, his personality, and his age. An older child tends to prefer more subtle gestures of praise, such as a loving touch on the shoulder, a gentle stroke on the cheek, or a positive comment, whereas a toddler may prefer a more obvious reaction, such as a big cuddle, a round of applause, or a favorite story read to him. You know your child’s likes and dislikes better than anyone, and will quickly learn the type of praise to which he responds best.