Best Way to Set Rules for a Child

Every child needs structure and consistency in her life. True, a toddler seems to spend more time challenging rules than following them, but without them she would be totally con­fused. Insecurity and anxiety would soon set in. Rules serve a number of psychological purposes for your child during the preschool years:

• Comfort. We all need to know that our lives have some degree of structure, and that knowledge makes us feel safe, secure,

and comfortable. Rules reduce ambiguity and replace uncer­tainly with a clear plan of action, which makes us feel better.

• Predictability. Of course, novelty is exciting for children and adults. Yet, we are generally happier when we are able to anticipate what comes next. Rules allow your child to pre­dict how you and others will behave toward her.
• Reassurance. The reciprocal nature of rules is reassuring for your child because she knows that the rule “No hitting” ap­plies to her siblings as well as to her; in other words, it protects her as much as anyone else. This makes your child feel safer.

Another benefit of rules is that they safeguard your child’s physical safety. Most rules for young children are concerned with protecting them from accident and injury. Although your child may not appreciate this at the time, she will gradually understand that following rules normally saves her from danger.

Try to be flexible with rules at home. While having rules but not keeping them consistently is pointless, there is always a place for flexibility. Sometimes you don’t apply a particular rule, perhaps because your child is unwell that day, or because it is a special occasion and you are prepared to give your child a little extra freedom. That’s fine, as long as such exceptions don’t become too regular. Flexibility reinforces the value of rules, while showing that they are always open to interpretation.