Best Way to Stop Self Sabotaging Yourself

What does this mean? Basically when you’re sabotaging yourself, you are limiting yourself. You’re preventing yourself from being the best person you can be, from having the most fun you can have, and from being truly empowered.

I was really fascinated when I talked to Carol Adrienne, best-selling author of books like Find Your Purpose and Change Your Life, about this topic. Carol says there are common pitfalls of teen life. You’re probably dealing with one or more of them right now. But if you become aware of them, they will be less likely to hold you back.

Self Sabotaging Best Way to Stop Self Sabotaging Yourself

Check these pitfalls out to see if any of them describe you. Don’t be too hard on yourself; almost everyone will see themselves in at least a few. And then, read the suggestions on how you can stop sabotaging yourself and get out of your own way.

Do I lack good judgment? Do I jump into friendship or inti­macy too fast? When I commit too soon, does it make me feel trapped? Do I ignore my instincts? Do I choose situations that are against what I really value and want to have in my life?

If yes: Stop sabotaging yourself! Give yourself adequate time to make a decision. Always keep in the back of your mind the idea that you are a strong person. You can take your time. You can make up your mind when you are ready. You can disregard the pressure that others put on you and stay true to yourself. Listen to your body. If you have that sensation in the pit of your stomach that something isn’t right, don’t make a decision until you think it through.

Am I a people pleaser? Do I always try to please everybody by using many different personas? Am I flattering, too flirtatious, too nice, or too ready to give in to what someone else wants? Do I do things just so other people like me? Do I always agree with other people just to keep the peace? Do I always give in?

If yes: Think about how you can have more integrity. To have in­tegrity is to stick to your own values and beliefs. When others are trying to get you to go along with behaviors that don’t feel right to you, acting with integrity gives you self-respect.

Do I crave recognition? Do I always want recognition for everything I do? Am I really doing things just so other people will admire me or pay attention to me? Do I try to get in good with a boss or teacher just because she is in a power position? Am I always out to impress?

If yes: It’s not bad to want to excel, but when you find yourself doing things just so you can get compliments from others, you are doing it for the wrong reasons. Practice doing things that will make you feel proud of yourself, but don’t tell anyone else. Do some anonymous nice thing for someone else, and let the good feeling seep into you. Be committed to excellence just for its own sake. It will be a big relief and you will find yourself staying more true to yourself as well.

Do I talk too much? Do I have to control the conversation by always talking? Do I always talk about myself? When I notice people distancing themselves from me, do I talk faster to keep a connection going? Is it hard for me to listen? Do I interrupt serious talks with jokes or silliness?

If yes: Sure, we all talk too much at times. But when it is a habit, you have to ask yourself why. Do you want to be the center of atten­tion because you want others to notice you? Are you uncomfortable with silence? Try catching yourself when you get too talkative. Learn to be comfortable when others are being heard, too.

Am I suspicious or secretive? Do I feel like I have to keep certain ideas to myself so others won’t steal them or do it first? Do I feel like I am separate from most people?

If yes: Being suspicious is often a sign that you aren’t getting much support from others. It’s good to make time for yourself: tak­ing a long walk, reading, thinking. But other times you may be just hiding out from the world, and it is a cry for attention. You need to have a support system of family, friends, and people you care about and trust. Try to figure out why you are not trusting someone. Do they deserve your suspicion? How can you practice being more open with other people? What makes you feel safe? What people make you feel safe?

Do I resist authority? Do I see myself as the lone ranger or a rebel? Do I think I am the only one who sees things the right way? Do I complain but rarely do anything constructive to change it? Do I have a friend who resists authority and feel a thrill when they act up?

If yes: If you tend to feel that most people are jerks, especially older people, you may be angry about something you can’t do much about. Feeling angry and feeling powerless to change anything usu­ally make the whole world look pretty bleak. There are a lot of good reasons to feel angry. But the important thing is to get back to be­ing the person you are meant to be-and we can’t always do that alone. Don’t have it out with people who are negative and put you down, or put others down. Find the one person you can really talk to, and let off steam. Even though your main problems may not change right away, feeling supported by even one person can give you the strength you need to get through this difficult period.

If you’re hanging out with someone who is rebelling, it’s likely that you aren’t speaking up in your own life. You’re letting them act out your feelings for you. You need to take ownership of your feel­ings and find more positive ways to express them.

Am I self-righteous? Do I feel most powerful after I have been “proven right”? Is it overly important for me to be right all the time? Is it very hard for me to admit any mistakes? Do I criticize other people a lot?

If yes: You need to learn to admit your mistakes. Practice saying, “I’m sorry,” and “You’re right,” to others. Back off a little and learn to relax. Ask yourself why you need to make everyone else wrong to feel good about your own self. Think about what else you have to offer besides criticism.

Do I always think there is something better than what I have? Am I always focused on some golden future? Do I find it hard to appreciate what I have? Am I always envious of what others have? Am I always dissatisfied and letting everyone know it?

If yes: Count your blessings now. Feel proud of your strengths and accomplishments now. Enjoy the moment.

Do I give up when things get tough? If a situation doesn’t go the way I want it, do I check out? Do I give up easily? Do I de­cide everything is wrong with school or my friends the minute things get difficult? Do I find myself often thinking, “Who cares?” and, “It doesn’t matter anyway.”

Self Sabotaging 1 Best Way to Stop Self Sabotaging Yourself
If yes: Are you afraid of making a mistake? Do you have really critical parents who never think you’ve done enough? Or, on the other hand, do you have parents who don’t seem to care about your achievements no matter what you do? Giving up on something just because it doesn’t come easily right away can mean you are letting yourself ‘down. Remember, you are worth it! Don’t stay “small” just so you can fit in with your crowd if they are unmotivated types. Set­ting a goal to achieve something and actually doing it is a big high.

Do any of these feel like YOU?

If yes: Don’t think you are a bad person. Don’t criticize yourself because you do these behaviors. Now that you recognize them, you can work on making better choices in the future. Write down what you found out on an index card. Keep the card where you can see it to remind you when you are sabotaging yourself.

Don’t worry about making mistakes. As Carol says:

Everybody has to learn what works for them and what doesn’t. The important thing is to get a sense of who you are, what you stand for, and what you do well. And, this doesn’t just happen overnight. Teen years are all about cre­ating an identity. The best identity is someone others feel they can trust, someone who thinks for herself, and some­one who makes the world just a little bit better every day.

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