Best Way to Be a Role Model

Cathy Ribb’s job is to throw parties—for studios opening new movies and as part of the Young Hollywood Awards, which is spon­sored by the magazine she works for, Movieline. It’s the only awards show to honor younger talent such as James King, Hayden Christensen, Carson Daly, and LeeLee Sobieski. Cathy says:

I’m surrounded by celebrities. I see how they really are in person, and I see how they treat other people. A lot of girls admire celebrities from afar. But some of your favorite stars, I hate to tell you this, are nasty people and are not what they appear. They’ve got public relations people who work hard to make you think their clients are likable, when they’re really totally different in real life. You just see the public image. And not all stars are good role models.

But don’t get discouraged. Many other stars really DO have wonderful qualities. So we’re not saying you shouldn’t admire celebrities. But it’s easy to get into celebrity worship, like you wish you could be just like her. So let’s get smarter about the reasons we admire celebrities. Because you know what? There are ways you can be just like some of your fa­vorite celebrities.

Cathy’s got her own opinions about which celebrities she ad­mires. Here’s Cathy’s list of what stars do that you should admire— and that you can emulate yourself:

Be honest. Honesty is crucial. If you aren’t honest, you’ll get a reputation that you can’t be believed. Honesty isn’t always easy to find inHollywood. Lots of people are phony and just tell you what they think you want to hear. One celebrity who’s known for being honest is Gwen Stefani. She tells it like it is. If she says something, people trust her.

Treat others well. If you don’t care about other people, other people won’t care about you. Nobody likes a prima donna. Some stars who act like divas don’t understand that people only cater to them because they need their money or their help. People kiss their butts, but it’s because they are either scared of these divas or they want to get paid. And who needs that? When these stars aren’t at the top of the pack later, nobody is going to be there for them. It’s better to earn respect and be known for treating others well. Rachel Leigh Cook comes to mind as a star whom I don’t hear saying a bad thing about anyone. Learn from her.

Work hard. We admire stars for their talent. But not all stars are naturally talented. And even talented stars have worked long and hard to get where they are. Getting to the top isn’t easy. They sometimes spend outrageously long hours rehearsing, memorizing lines, and working. One star who is known for her work ethic is Sarah Michelle Gellar.

Help others. Help other people—just because. Julia Stiles is very charity-driven. She does many charitable things that she doesn’t try to get publicity for, that people don’t even know about.

Be resilient. Stars who succeed have learned to be resilient. You always hear stars who were told, “You’ll never make it in this business; you have no talent.” Even the biggest stars are rejected for parts and they lose the awards. At some point, you’ll be rejected; you’ll lose, too.

People will try to knock you down. Misery loves company, so if others see you succeeding, they might want to make sure you don’t get too far ahead. Lose the people who put down your dreams. If you have a dream, you need to put blinders on and not let anyone talk you out of it.

Stay true to your values. People, especially girls, need to be careful in show business. People try to take advantage of them and make them compromise their values. “If you do such and such, I’ll make you a star,” they are told. Some girls will give in, hoping they will become famous and rich. It’s scary what some girls go through in this business while trying to succeed. But each time you give in and go against your values, you feel more and more worthless. And if you do it once, people expect it from you again and again.

The same applies to your life now. It’s important never to let anyone talk you into doing something you’re not comfortable with or that goes against your values. If you do, you’ll always regret it. Don’t ever let anyone treat you with less than you deserve to be treated—which is with respect.

Be confident. You don’t have to be born with confidence. You can create it. Many stars learn to develop confidence and be comfortable with themselves in any situation. MandyMooreis a good example. She’s a young girl with an amazing amount of confidence in herself, and it comes from being secure in who she is.

Stand up for yourself. Stars need to stand up for themselves, and so do you. When someone gets in your space, stand up for yourself. If you don’t, they will smell weakness and be on you like a pack of wolves. If you’re getting picked on, it’s important to get up your courage and stand up for yourself. Otherwise, they will never stop. Don’t take any “yuk” from anyone. If you don’t like what someone is saying or doing to you, stand up for yourself until it stops. Don’t hesitate to ask for help on this one.

Be a good conversationalist. Some stars look blankly at you when you talk about anything besides them. But if you can talk about a variety of topics, you will be more interesting to others. Ju­lia Stiles is very articulate. She can carry on a conversation on topics such as world events. People like to talk to her because she always has something to offer to the discussion.

Have a sense of humor. It’s so important to help you get through life to keep a sense of humor. And people will want to be around you if you’re funny. Everyone likes someone with a good sense of humor, who can laugh things off. Sandra Bullock is someone who has a great sense of humor and can laugh at the mistakes she makes.

Enjoy yourself. Stars aren’t always having fun and games. Have you noticed how many celebrities have made trips to drug re­hab? They’re under so much pressure to maintain their good looks and career success. They’re under constant pressure to perform. In high school, the popular people aren’t always having the most fun either. They face that pressure, too. But it’s important to relax and enjoy life.

Be unique. Don’t feel you have to conform. Dance to your own drummer. Have your own personal style. Look at Gwen Stefani; she’s her own person. She dresses and acts the way she wants to be. She is an authentic person who doesn’t let anyone else try to tell her who to be.

Be more than pretty. InHollywood, pretty girls are a dime a dozen. It’s hard to make it on looks alone. It might get you to a certain point, but looks don’t get you to the top. To be pretty and hollow is no accomplishment. You want to be appreciated for who you are and what you have to offer. I mean, what do you want to be known for—your talent or your butt? Admire stars like Natalie Portman, who is a talented actress and is also a student at an Ivy League college. Plus, looks don’t always last forever. Once your looks go, you need something to fall back on.

Be humble. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you’re better than everyone else. When success comes fast when you’re young, it’s easy for stars to start to believe they’re better than everyone else. When the whole world seems to love you, you can get a huge ego. You treat other people like they are inferior. You probably see this in your own school hallways: so-called popular people thinking they’re superior and being mean to people who aren’t in their cliques.

What happens in high school and in the entertainment industry is the same. Many stars crash as fast as they rise. They’re stars when they’re teens, but then their career ends, and they end up as nobod­ies and has-beens. And they’ve stepped on so many people on the way up that nobody is there for them on the way down. It’s the same as in high school.

Some people who are popular—but not well-liked—treat people badly in school. Then they graduate from school and get out in the real world, where their clique doesn’t make an ounce of difference. Besides, the people they mistreated often become more successful and have more real friends than they do.

Know what’s real. The entertainment industry is a tough busi­ness to survive in. It’s easy to get out of touch with reality. The stars who do stay grounded have their priorities straight. You can take a lesson from them. These priorities include:

•  Family. Your family will never let your ego get too big. That’s why many stars cite their families as playing such as huge role in their lives. They are people with whom the stars can be themselves.
•  Friends. True friends are often those who knew them before they were stars. Never drop your true friends for people who might be more popular. Your true friends will love you for who you are, not for your status.
•  Faith. Your faith will remind you that there are things that are bigger than yourself. And it will remind you of what’s truly important.

So next time you are admiring and imitating your favorite celebri ties, stop for a minute. Are they really, truly good role models?

Think about what’s real and true. What you really should be ad miring about them. And imitate that! And then you, too, can be role model for somebody else.