Best Way to Raise Children in a Cross-Religion Marriage

Parents don’t always share the same religious beliefs. In many marriages partners have dif­ferent religious backgrounds. In such instances, a child may find religion confusing rather than comforting, especially if her parents have not reconciled their differences.

The time for a couple to sort out their religious differences is before children are born. The best time is before the marriage itself—this way, the couple has plenty of time to consider all the angles. Religion usually engenders strong feelings. Giving up one religion for another—even when this conversion is in the best interests of the family—can be a very painful process. Discussions about the religious upbringing of children should never be left to the last minute.

Some couples in a mixed marriage take the view that their child should be brought up to experience both religions in the home, and that when she is old enough she should choose for herself. Although this may seem a common-sense solution to the predicament, giving a child an opportunity to choose her religion places too great a responsibility onto young shoulders. Religious systems are complex; many adults cannot explain the ins and outs of their own religion. It is unreasonable to expect a young child to make such a decision. Parents must make the choice for their child. In later years, the child may elect to chal­lenge her parents’ religious views. That is part of growing up. But parents should provide firm guidance at the start.

Even where partners in a mixed marriage agree on one reli­gion, problems can arise through pressure from friends and family. Wars start through differences in religious belief, so it is hardly surprising that family skirmishes can erupt for the same reason. A child who experiences religious tolerance within his own family is likely to adopt a similar attitude herself outside the home.

Both partners need to have their own views clear before they can hope to provide an adequate example for their child to follow. If religious differences between husband and wife are not resolved, and if they continue into married life, their chil­dren will come to regard religion as a source of conflict, not as a source of security.