Best Way to Understand Children Sexual Abuse

Physical contact between parent and child is a normal, healthy part of healthy family relationships. Sexual abuse, however, is a criminal offense, and does not nec­essarily involve physical contact. Sexual abuse is any interaction between a child and an older person where the child is used for a sexual purpose.

Following are some questions that parents frequently ask about sexual abuse involving children:

Q. Does child sexual abuse occur spontaneously, and is it due to the abuser’s sudden and uncontrollable sexual urges?

A. Although some acts of child sexual abuse are spontaneous, most abusers are quite calculating in their actions. They often manipulate their child victims into obedience and silence by threatening further abuse (“If you tell, I’ll kill you.”), or by intro­ducing the notion of shame (“Your mother will be so ashamed of you if she finds out what you’ve been doing.”), or even loy­alty (“You shouldn’t tell on me because we’re related.”). The idea that child sexual abusers have no control over their actions implies that they have no responsibility for what they do.

Q. Does sexual abuse occur only in families who live in poverty and environmental deprivation?

A. Sexual abuse is not confined to one particular social or eco­nomic class, or ethnic group. It exists at all levels of society in many different countries.

Q. Is child sexual abuse really such a big problem, or is it simply a case of the media blowing up a few isolated incidents out of proportion?

A. Precise figures are difficult to determine because many victims are afraid or embarrassed to disclose sexual abuse. It is esti­mated that

• one in four girls is sexually abused before the age of eighteen;
• one in eight boys is sexually abused before the age of eighteen.

Q. Who are child sexual abusers?

A. The majority of child sexual abusers are males in their teens to early thirties. Be wary of any adult who wants to be on his own with a child, or to be in situations where the child undress­es, bathes, or goes to bed. Most offenders are not strangers; they may be relatives, baby sitters, coaches, and camp counselors. Sexual abuse often takes place in the perpetrator’s own home.

Q. Don’t some children encourage adults to touch them?

A. Blaming the victim turns attention away from the perpetra­tor of the abuse and toward the child. This is wrong. Children are open and trusting; love and affection are essential parts of the childhood years and so a child often willingly seeks physical contact with an adult. Sexual abusers take advantage of this innocent child behavior to meet their own pernicious needs.

Q. Is if true that girls most at risk for sexual abuse are those who have reached puberty, and who therefore have developed secondary sexual characteristics?

A. Studies have revealed that prepubertal girls are most at risk of sexual abuse, especially during the primary-school years. (Girls also tend to be sexually abused at a younger age than boys.)

If a child of any age tells you that he has been sexually abused

• Believe in the child, no matter how difficult it may be for you to accept. Children rarely make up stories about this type of abuse.
• Listen calmly, and allow your child to explain the situation in his own words. Find a quiet, private place where you will not be disturbed.
• Reassure your child that he did the right thing by telling you, and that what has happened is not his fault.
• Report the incident as soon as possible to the police or your local child protection agency.